Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday to you!  You are far away where it is either warm or snowy this year, so my birthday wishes to you are going out using a different method.  While we miss you terribly, I am proud of you for heading out on your grand adventure.  I hope that your travels are bringing you to a lovely place that is the definition of a wonderful birthday this year.  I love you!

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It’s true, I do love you.  You hold a huge piece of my heart.  I feel so fortunate to have a friend and mother like you.  There is security in loving you, I know that you are always looking out for my best interest, I know that I can share with you, tease you and confide in you.  I know that you will never turn on me nor I on you.  Any fights we’ve ever had have been short lived as I can’t stand to be separated from you.

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I reflect often on how glad I am to have a mother like you.  I know I wasn’t an easy baby.  You told me once that had I been the first, things probably would have been different.  I would have seemed less demanding, my screams would not have resonated with you quite as long.  As the third child and the only girl, you wanted me to be a princess.  I chose dirt and you let me be that tomboy with the nickname of Mud. I remember that shopping trip when I was about 14 years old.  That was when we went from just being mother and daughter to friends.  I remember eating at The Bean Pod and staying out for hours.  I also remember you asking me not to show quite everything that we bought to Dad upon our return!  :)  I am not sure what happened on that shopping excursion, but it changed us and who we are to one another.  It was after that trip that I started recognizing you as a person of real value to me, not just my mom.

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I have friends who lack what you and I have and can’t imagine what my life would be like without you as my rock.  You have been here for me when I fought you as a teenager, telling you that I would never be mean to my daughter like you were to me.  You stood by me without a word when I dropped out of college and became first, a maid, and next, a pre-school teacher.  You were worried, but trusted that I would eventually return.  You allowed me to travel to Europe with little money, a guidebook, and a friend without speeching me about the dangers of traveling alone in a strange land.  I am not so sure I would be able to do the same for my daughter and I have a better understanding of your airport tears now.  On my wedding day, you drove through the Salty Sea Days parade to pick up the ‘perfect’ bread and sped through Marysville for the ‘perfect’ strawberries.  I couldn’t wait any longer and had to get ready without you, and when you arrived finally, in Bellingham,  we both wept with relief that we were both present.  You attended the births of both of my children and held each baby before I was even able to.  And when we needed you this year, you took two , and often three, days out of every week to watch those babies while Bradley worked on the house and I went to work.

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I know that you don’t feel like you have always made the best choices as a parent.  I think it is a parent’s curse to continually make decisions, revise your thinking, change your mind and second guess yourself.  I also know that your model of motherhood wasn’t the strongest.  But I know for certain that you took what you knew and made a philosophy of parenting that had its foundation in love, caring and looking out for the best interests of your children.  I know that your philosophy of parenting allowed us to explore our world with freedom, but when we fell you were always there to catch us.  As a parent now, my philosophy is not all that different from yours.  And while my parenting style is supposedly tweaked and differentiated from the ‘mean ways’ you parented me (tongue in cheek there) I find myself looking at the way you grandparent my own children and aspire to be more like you.  You are an amazing woman, strong, capable and full of love.  I adore you.  And while I am missing you so much while you are on this trip, my heart swells with the joy I feel that you are finally gone.  Have a WONDERFUL birthday, mom.  I’ll be thinking of you all day.  Do something wonderful, maybe something crazy and I hope all of your wishes come true.

I love you,

Your Little Gore


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